Even here, I walk in love.

I’m not sure if it is because I had chemo on Tuesday instead of Thursday or if it’s #3 or what but this last week has felt like 3 weeks. The good news about that is that I have 2 and 1/2 weeks till I need to do it again. I was talking with my brother last night and explaining how lonely it feels even with people around all the time. When I am not feeling well I just want to lay in bed, I don’t want to read, or watch TV or even be on my phone. I open my shades and just lay there. My throat gets really dry so talking too much doesn’t feel great, so I am not saying I want people around either, I know doesn’t make much sense does it? But not much about this makes sense.

We are getting really honest and open here, hopefully someone reads this and it helps them just a little bit. On Saturday we were driving to the ER, my heart rate was really elevated and they were concerned about blood clots so off we went. And while driving I grieved for the fall Saturdays, for the excitement of the holiday’s to come, for shopping and hanging out with friends, for just feeling normal. I said to Eric, I’m sad. Sad that I don’t feel good and I am missing just enjoying the car ride instead of gripping a puke bag just incase. I know that this is just a blip in my story, and that God has amazing plans for me. In Deuteronomy the Lords promises restoration and I am standing on His promises.

Emma and Sam come home next week for Thanksgiving and I am so excited! I have put away all my thanksgiving decor and am taking out Christmas, it makes me happy! I am even decorating our bedroom since I spend so much time there!

Weird stuff: Those of you who know me know I like room temp drinks LOL. Like water, even coffee hahaha BUT now I want everything ice cold. I get winded quickly, like walk up the stairs, have to sit down, walk anywhere, have to sit down. I’m sleeping like a champ just not always at the right times HAHA. One morning like 3AM morning, I was up, couldn’t fall back asleep and was hungry, so I went downstairs and made oatmeal at 3:30Am and then watched the Downton Abbey Movie.